I was already frustrated by the time I got to the store… I had to take the two year old grocery shopping with me. The whole hour drive he whined about his feet not being covered, he whined because he couldn't get his shoe off, he whine because … Even though he went right before we left, he wanted to go potty…. And there was no where to stop….. The whole…. Entire…. Way…
Then I saw her, she was gorgeous. She was in her mid 20s, obvious that she didn't have any kids. She looked like she has just stepped out of a fitness magazine, in her name brand workout attire, put together, and looked well rested and bubbly! I peered into her grocery cart and saw nothing but egg whites and organic meats and veggies. About a weeks worth of food for someone who only had to feed herself.. I couldn't help but think how nice it would be to just plan for one person, to not worry if I forgot a certain sauce,food, or snack…. Which at my house… It's the end of the world when that happens. Not spending over a hour meal planning to make sure everyone is happy … Who am I kidding I'll get a least one eye roll about what's for dinner this week…. Despite my best attempt and shopping with a cranky toddler..I will forget something
and someone will huff and puff about the things I did or didn't get. 
I bet she doesn't have to worry about a 2 year old, smashing her bread…. Opening the mushrooms and sending them flying or Opening the spaghetti box….
“ DANG IT ASHER LEAVE THE FOOD ALONE!!”
I bet she doesn't spend more that 50 bucks a week on her groceries, and doesn't have
“ treats” staring at her… Taunting her to eat them… She doesn't have kids or a husband … She doesn't have to buy those things.
I bet her grocery list…. If she even needs to write out her entire menu…. Isn't crumpled and scribbled all over …..
“What does that say? Sauce? Sausage? Spagh….Oh hell I'll get them all.
It must be nice…* sigh*
As I'm going over all these things in my head, this envy.. Maybe even jealousy..
Asher calls out “Mama… I want you” as he wraps his little arms around me and embraces me in a hug. My heart melts.
It's clear, God send me these babies to keep me going and to keep me strong. He knows the moment I lose myself in envy or doubt… That there is nothing that a hug from a sweet baby cannot fix. He knows that when I feel like a failure, a simple “ I love you mama” will remind me that I am not. When I have a day where I don't want to get out of bed, he sends all 3 of my babies to my room.. To jump into my bed with giggles and smiles and remind me why I should stay strong. 
I bet she doesn't have a little blue eyed boy running up to her with a dandelion in his hand proudly announcing “ For you mama” with a big smile on his face.
I bet she doesn't get 5000 homemade cards and gifts for her birthday and have to make a difficult decision of which ones to keep or throw out….eventually. 
I bet she doesn't hear “ mama kiss, mama kiss” while tucking her whole world into bed every night ( 3 of them!) 
It's funny, the things that remind us about the important things in life. Today it was that childless lady… Who at first I envied but ended up hoping she too will experience what I have… family, crazy, kisses, hugs and so...much...love.
That girl, was no better than I, heck I don't even know her story. Nor am I any better than her.
Being a mom is hard… And I know just about everyone one of us have had some kind of envy one time or another. Whether it's shopping alone, peeing in peace, not being able to sit down and eat without having to get up to get juice, ketchup, a towel, or a fork…. We've all been there.
But I couldn't help to think that Someone in that store may have been looking at my 2 year old… Wishing they were able to have one of their own…
Or a mom of 3 who wishes she could afford all the grocery I had in my cart.
Thinking of that alone makes me more grateful then ever. I will never take motherhood for granted, it's too precious and it's my sole purpose of living! I admit that I can be weak, Insecure, and uncertain. I believe that's why God blessed me with 3 beautiful babies to give me strength to get up, to give me the will to keep going, and the passion to live and succeed… Even if the the only thing I have to my name is “ mama” I'll still be the richest women in the world.
So you may have food in your hair, you may give into those chocolate chip cookies that are for the kids only, you may buy your fitness clothes at Walmart instead of Lulumoon, your grocery list may be crumbled and hard to read, and half your groceries may be opened before you even make it home…
But are your babies happy? Do you get bombarded with hugs, kisses and giggles every day? Does your heart melt every time you hear “ I love you mama” or “kiss mama kiss!”
If so…. Then set your worries and doubt aside mama, because you're doing just fine.
xoxo
Coach Amanda
